


Richie Tozier is Not Gay

by Blkcatfirewrk



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Coming of Age, Gay Panic, Gay Richie Tozier, Homophobia, IT - Freeform, It(2017), M/M, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie-centric, Slow Burn, homophobic parents, it(2019), mlm, this takes place between the movies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-12 13:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20565464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blkcatfirewrk/pseuds/Blkcatfirewrk
Summary: at least that’s what he tells himself.





	1. October 1989

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR TW: homophobia and homophobic slurs, used by characters towards Richie and by Richie himself  
MILD TW: implied abusive parents

Things were starting to cool down in Derry, the weather beginning to nudge The Losers (minus Beverly) away from playing outside and finding themselves in Bill's living room. The boys would normally be watching scary movies this time of year, hyping themselves up for Halloween, but somehow they had all silently agreed that there wouldn't be any monsters this year - they'd seen one too many.  
Instead they watched the princess bride, Richie on his feet and bouncing with a stick he found outside declaring himself Inigo Montoya, declaring to kill anyone who stood in his way. Stan laughed, shaking his head. Eddie shushed him pointedly. Bill and Mike teamed up to throw popcorn at him until he quieted down and was back nestled between Ed and Stan.  
Bills living room was clean, but well lived. Pictures of the family hung on the walls proudly, even those featuring Georgie that Bill put up again quietly one night after hearing his mother saying she missed them. The rug was stained from the many years of teenage boys spilling soda and tracking mud in. Bills mother gave up on white carpets long ago. The big plush sectional was tearing at places from the many times children had thrown themselves down after a long day of school; divots were made from boys sitting in one spot to watch move after movie after movie. It was soft and rosy and felt like home to all The Losers. Richie especially enjoyed his time there, with his friends who felt like a family. His own living room wasn't much to write home about, he wasn't ever really allowed in it anyways. Wentworth, Richie's father, decided when Richie turned around ten that it wasn't suitable for his rambunctious son to be spilling soda and throwing popcorn on their nice couch; so Richie wasn't there much. He tried several times to watch a movie but soon got thirsty (no drinks allowed anywhere but the kitchen) and by the time he got back his mother already had taken over the couch with her own show and even Richie wasn't reckless enough to ask for his spot back. For all her poise and soft hands and tempting smile Mrs. Tozier wasn't someone to be trifled with and quickly lost her temper, banning Richie from having a closed door, banning him from his friends, and more often than not ready with many accidental insults shooting from her mouth. Richie was sure his mother had some sort of mental issues that he couldn't yet understand, he was sure there was something to cause her to snap that wasn't just related to him being a bad son. At least he tried to think that way. She had always said that she'd prefer a daughter to the son that she had, which honestly was almost comical when compared to the fact that the one thing that Mr.Tozier seemed to detest about his son was his femininity. Richie wasn't just used to being called slurs from his peers, but from his father too. Too many times Richie had done something small, not wanting to do yard work after a long day, not wanting to watch a scary movie, not being interested in football - it all made Richie Tozier a faggot. He hated that word. Faggot. He hated all of them. Fag. Fairy. Pansy. Queer. Flamer. Queen. Richie Tozier was many things but he was not, could not, would never be gay. He likes plenty of girls, hell - he liked Beverly! He liked the way she kept up with them, how she was tough and rowdy, and especially when she cut her hair. Maybe, years later sitting on a bridge overlooking a river Richie will re-carve something into the bridge. Maybe when he does that he'll sigh a deep breath and quietly whisper to himself that it's okay, but that's far in the future. That's so many years to come. On that night in October of 1989 Richie Tozier was not gay.


	2. March 1990

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: nothing! Just fluffy world building!

John Bowers and his family had moved in after Henry got sent away for knifing his father. They moved into the house once it was no long deemed a crime scene in order to 'sort out family affairs' whatever that meant. All Richie knew is that it meant running into Johnny Bowers, Henry’s younger cousin.  
One of the first times they'd ran into each other Johnny had pulled Richie aside. He sported the same blonde mullet as his older cousin but had much softer eyes, big blue eyes that Richie looked at just a little too long for his own comfort.  
"I'm sorry about the arcade," Johnny said pointedly. "You know how Henry is,"  
"Yeah," Richie nodded, "don't worry about it."   
Johnny pursed his lips together into a smile and nodded, "rad,"  
"You could really make it up to me by finishing that game," Richie offered quickly, almost blushing at his own proposition. Why was he nervous? He hadn't made friends in a while, he figured, plus the last time he talked to this kid it ended up with him getting chased out the arcade.   
"Totally," Johnny agreed before heading off, he quickly produced a pen from his pocked and grabbed Richie's arm. He scrubbed a number and was off with a "don't call before ten or after eight!"   
Richie nodded dumbly and watched the other boy leave, sure that a blush was riding up his neck this time. He shook it off the best he could and rushed outside to meet The Losers.  
Eddie noticed it first, "what's with the phone number?"   
"Oh just gonna fuck some blonde later," Richie blurted the first thing he could, "she's got these big tits and from what I've heard she could suck the rust off your bumper and-"  
"Beep beep Richie," Stan chastised, rolling his eyes and changing the subject. "Are we going to your place tonight Bill?"   
"C-can't, I have a p-project due Monday and I have to meet with my group," Bill explained.  
The Losers all looked to each other hoping someone would answer the call and offer up their house. Nobody did and eventually all that were left were Richie and Eddie, standing on the sidewalk.   
"You waiting for your mom or are you gonna walk?" Richie asked as Eddie watched Ben's mom drive off with him in the passenger seat.   
"Oh, I was gonna walk, moms working until nine tonight so not much use waiting," Eddie explained.   
"Can I come hang out?" Richie asked.  
"I don't know," Eddie said uneasily, he shifted the weight from foot to foot, "my mom'll be pissed if she finds out you were over without her permission,"  
"C'mon Eds, lets live a little," Richie persisted.   
Their argument ended like all theirs did - with Richie getting his way and both of them up in Eddies room, talking about school and life and anything else.   
Everyone knew that what Eddie and Richie had was special (even thought they always seemed to be bickering). There was just something about how they could talk and talk for hours and never grow tired of each other. About how everyone always treated Eddie like he was this fragile thing - everyone except for Richie. Eddie could spit back Richies insults too, they seemed to be the only match for each other, the only people able to keep up with the other ones energy.   
"Who's number is that really?" Eddie asked as they lay on his neatly made bed.   
"John Bowers, he's actually pretty cool," Richie responded.   
"Aah, so he's the blonde you're fucking!" Eddie declared with a laugh that earned him a punch on the shoulder.  
“You know I could never cheat on your mom like that, Eds,” Richie laughed.   
He laughed, Eddie laughed, and that moment felt like gold. Like the world could end at that moment and Richie would die happy because how could he not? He was laughing with his best friend, their thighs were touching and he felt Eddies body heat reaching over to him.   
He felt at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I hope you like Johnny? I usually hate fan created characters but I guess my hand slipped, oops!   
Please comment and tear my writing apart, I need to know what to improve since this is literally the first thing I’ve ever put out for the world to see, hope y’all are into it though <3


	3. April 1990

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter you can just skip it honestly. I’m not proud of this idk.
> 
> TW: internalized homophobia(?)

Richie sat in his bed, feeling a comfortable warmth around him. His bed was bigger than he remembered. The room was dark and the windows were open. His room was littered with band posters and motorcycles ripped out of magazines. It was quiet, quieter than usual, no arguing from his parents room. This was odd but Richie never registered it to be odd.  
Suddenly there was a noise at the window. Richie looked over quickly and saw a familiar kind face.  
“Eds?” Richie asked, adjusting his glasses at the boy climbing in through his window.  
“I’m sorry to just show up, Rich, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” Eddie said softly, so as not to wake anyone else up in the house.  
Richie swallowed, confused. He felt his heart start to flutter in his chest, like those cheesy romance movies. “What do you mean?”  
“I like you Rich,” Eddie said, walking over and sitting down. He was looking like he always did, with a cute little polo, and his fanny pack was shoved against his left hip. His eyes were locked on Richie intently, almost like Richie was a rabbit and Ed was a fox.  
“You aren’t acting like yourself, Eddie,” Richie said, scooting away from the other boy.  
“I just got sick of it,” Eddie said, “I’m sick of people telling me what I want. I’m sick of being sick and small and all that bullshit. I know what I want.”  
“What do you want?” Richie asked softly.  
“You.” 

Richie bolted up in his bed. He was sweating, his pants felt tight, and his throat was dry.  
“What the fuck?” Richie asked aloud to his empty room. He was confused, he was ashamed, he was disappointed. He didn’t know what he wanted to happen in that dream. Did he want Eddie to kiss him? Did he want Eddie to leave?  
He got up quickly, his legs shaking, and walked to the kitchen to get water. His parents were nowhere to be found and he was so thankful because he was sure he looked a mess. His hair hadn’t even tried to be flattened, he didn’t bother to put on his glasses, and there was this tremor to him. He gulped a glass full of water and was almost jumped out of his skin when the phone rang.  
“Hello?” Rich picked up the house phone.  
“Richie?” Eddies voice came through. He sounded very serious.  
Richie’s blood ran cold, “uh, yeah?”  
“Oh hey Rich, wanna meet us at lovers lane?” Eddie said, his voice changing to a much more friendly tone. He was just expecting Richie's parents, he was the same soft Eddie that Richie always had known.  
“Yeah man, sure, I’ll get ready and be there soon.” Richie blurted out, hanging up and rushing back upstairs. 

This was a mistake. Richie couldn’t look Eddie in the eye - hell he couldn’t look any of The Losers in the eye.  
Everyone was making fun of all the cheesy carvings, throwing things off the bridge and into the water, and carving their own things into the bridge.  
Richie kept on glancing at Eddie. He couldn’t help but feel a swell in his chest. Eddie was beautiful. He had a strong jaw and kind eyes. He was so beautiful.  
And Richie Tozier was not gay. 

“Hey guys look!” Stan yelled, a wicked grin on his face. It was a dangerous look, because Stanly Uris was a quiet and serious boy, and when he had something mischievous to say - he had something good.  
Stanley’s finger was pointed at a carving in particular. A painfully fresh R + E into the railing. “Richie and Eddie got anything to say for yourselves?”  
“Ew!” Everyone laughed, even Eddie had to choke down his laughter. He made a mock vomiting motion. All The Losers were laughing and they all eventually were staring at Richie.  
Say something, Richie thought. The E stands for Ed’s Mom. You wish Eddie. All these quips went through his brain, all these thoughts bounced around in his head. He went pale once again and as the laughter died down he thought he heard someone ask if he was okay. He thought it might have been Stan.  
Richie backed up, turned around, and threw up all down the side of the bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can someone help me format this? When I edit the chapters they have paragraph indents and when it posts they’re gone. help


	4. June 1990

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so long, it’s more than double the other ones I’m sorry; I prefer writing lots of short chapters rather than a few long ones but my hand slipped.  
Also, Richie’s parents are based off my parents, so I don’t know if I should tag how they are as abusive or just homophobia, because they love him, they just hate his gayness?   
I don’t know, shout-out to my mom for calling me a dyke in a Starbucks when I was fifteen for inspiring my Wentworth.

After their last day of their sophomore year of high school, Stanly and Eddie found themselves in Richie’s house for the first time. They didn’t know this but it had taken weeks of begging and extra chores for his parents to allow him to have his friends over for the afternoon.   
Stanly almost laughed when he had walked in because Richie’s bedroom was so incredibly Richie that it was almost like someone else had made it for him. There was almost no wall visible, plastered wall to wall with band posters, motorcycle posters, and a sneaky stack of playboys sticking out from under his bed. It was cleaner than anyone expected with the only mess being from an overflowing piles of dirty clothes in the corner.   
“I’m so fucking happy schools over,” Eddie announced as he sat down on Richie’s squeaky office chair at his little desk.   
“And no fucking clown this year,” Richie added. The other two boys laughed a little, seeing as nobody really brought up the whole clown thing. They all had tried their best to forget.   
“No fucking clown,” Stanly agreed solemnly.   
Richie laughed at him for that and flipped onto his bed. He was content, genuinely happy for the first time in a while.   
The three boys talked about their summer plans. Stanly had a family vacation for the Fourth of July and Eddie had decided he was going to try and watch every single episode Thundercats. Richie didn’t have any plans himself, playing games in the arcade and having as much fun as possible was all he had.  
Their discussions were cut short by a loud yell from downstairs “RICHIE!”   
Richie tensed up, he hadn’t noticed the door opening, he didn’t realize his father was home. The moment he acknowledged his father was there he felt the tension in the air, an electricity that only he could feel. The other boys looked at him with a frown.   
“What’s that about?” Eddie asked.   
“Dunno,” Richie said, standing up and walking to the door. “You guys should come with,” Richie figured his father might go easy on him when his two friends were there too.   
The other two boys glanced at each other briefly, “okay”   
They all went down the stairs quietly, seeing Mr. Tozier standing at the bottom of the stairs with his arms folded and a stern look on his face. “Oh, your friends are here,”   
“Yeah, remember you said they could come over after the last day of school?” Richie offered softly.   
The way Richie spoke made Eddie and Stanly uncomfortable. They’d never seen Richie look so small. He hunched over himself, his hands were in little fists on either side of him. He spoke quietly and clearly, no hint of sass or laughter or anything.   
“Is there a reason you felt like tracking mud into the living room?” Mr. Tozier asked, pointing to a brown splotch next to the front door.   
Richie sighed and tried to gather himself all together. He knew it was Eddie. Eddie had stepped in a puddle of mud on the way there and complained about it the whole rest of the way. It had to have been Ed. Fuck.   
“I’m sorry dad, I’ll clean it up,” Richie said softly, shaking his head.   
“Good. I shouldn’t have to ask, Rich,” Mr. Tozier said, beginning to walk into the kitchen, but before he walked in he paused, “you should know better.”   
“It was actually me, Mr. Tozier, I can clean it up,” Eddie piped up.   
Mr. Tozier looked over his shoulder and glared at Eddie. The younger boy felt the most ashamed he ever had, he didn’t know why, nobody did but Wentworth Tozier just had that effect on people.   
“Didn’t your mother teach you respect?” He asked offhandedly, obviously talking to Eddie but looking away and digging into the cupboard.   
“Dad.” Richie said, his old self back and a sharp bite in his voice.   
This caused Wentworth to pause. Stanly and Eddie realized that from his reaction Richie’s father had probably never heard Richie talk like that. if he had it hadn’t been often. Suddenly the boys felt Richie back up into them.   
Eddie instinctively wrapped his fingers around Richie’s wrist, ready to grab on and run (a habit he had picked up from last summer). Mr. Tozier’s eyes snapped down to the boys hands and his eyebrows raised before he once again locked himself on Richie.   
“Clean the mud, I don’t care who does it, but if that’s not gone in five minutes there’s going to be a problem.” He said simply.   
The boys moved quickly to the closest by the front door, following closely behind Richie. Eddie grabbed for the cleaner, but Stanly quickly pulled him back and let Richie deal with it. Stanly didn’t want either Eddie or himself to be involved in this at all.   
Richie got quickly to work, on his hands and knees scrubbing at the carpet until it was white once again. He finished and looked up at his father who was staring at him from the entryway of the kitchen. Mr. Tozier just looked his son up and down and shook his head, “go play outside, all of you, don’t come back until it get dark.”   
“Yes sir,” Stanly said, slipping his shoes on and kicking Eddies shoes towards him. Richie quickly got up and put the cleaning supplies back away into the closet. He was slipping on his shoes until his father raised one finger and motioned for Richie to come over.   
“Your friends can wait outside. It’ll just be a moment,” he said.  
Richie walked over to his father and stood there quietly until Eddie and Stanly scrambled out the door.   
“What’s going on with you Richie?” His father asked, that disappointed look never leaving his face.   
“I’m sorry, I was just excited to be off school I didn’t notice the dirt. I’m sorry dad,” Richie explained, his voice once again soft and almost scared.   
“Not that Rich.” Mr. Tozier said; his voice was sharp and cold.   
Richie felt the blood drain from his face. He couldn’t feel his fingers or feet suddenly. His throat had dried and his heart was louder than it had been in a long time. “What do you mean?”   
“I’m not stupid Richie, you know I’m not stupid. I see what you’re like, I see more than you know. Why haven’t you had a girlfriend yet, Rich? I saw the way that boy grabbed your hand. What are people gonna think? What are people gonna think of me?”  
Richie felt like he was about to throw up. He felt his hands shaking. He just wanted to disappear. He’d almost rather be face to face with a clown, at least he could attack the clown. This he just had to take.   
“People think your a faggot, Rich. People think that my son is a faggot. Do you know what that does to me?” His father wasn’t yelling, he was keeping that cold and calculated tone. “What do you want me to do? When my friends come over I should just introduce you as my cock loving son? This is Rich, he’s a fucking fag!” His voice raised on that last sentence.   
Richie shook his head no, his face was hot and his vision was getting blurry. He almost wanted to rub at his eyes but he was hoping that his father couldn’t tell that tears were welling there. Richie didn’t cry often, but he was so angry. He was angry, mortified, upset - almost any unpleasant emotion he could think of.   
His father was right.   
Richie knew that Mr. Tozier didn’t really think that Richie was gay and he was already so angry and offended. Richie couldn’t even imagine what would happen if he knew - if he really knew.   
“What are you crying about?” Mr. Tozier asked with a huge sigh, something akin to concern was in his eyes.   
Richie shrugged, rubbing at his cheeks. He couldn’t make eye contact with his dad. He just kept on thinking about what would happen if his father really found out. Thinking about what he’s supposed to say to his friends when they see him a crying mess.   
“What am I gonna do with you?” Wentworth asked solemnly, his hand finally moving and resting on Richie’s arm. He gave it a little squeeze and then tapped him, “get out of here, go play with your friends.”   
Richie turned around as fast as he could and got his shoes on faster. He just prayed that Ed and Stanly weren’t standing right outside the door, he just needed to be alone so he could stop crying. He rushed out the door. He just wanted to stop crying.   
“What happened?” Eddie asked so quickly, rushing over from the other side of the front porch.   
Richie just looked at Eddie with these big eyes, tears were dripping down his face. He was shaking enough that Eddie noticed it without even needing to see Richie’s hands. Words couldn’t come, he just stood there, looking at his friends.   
“Come on guys, let’s get out of here,” Stanly said sternly, taking matters into his own hands. He grabbed both of their wrists and dragged them through the neighborhood and finally found a tree to sit them under. He hadn’t seen Richie like this before. When they faced the clown he had just run in swinging. He got angry when faced with trouble, he never got quiet and shaky like Eddie or Stanly did. That’s what they admired about him, and that’s what scared him so bad about how Richie was acting.   
“Rich, Rich, what happened?” Eddie asked in that soft kind voice that he usually reserved for talking to his mother.   
Richie was sitting, his fingers playing with the grass under his hands. He stopped making eye contact and just put the back of his other hand over his mouth and cried softly. He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop. He felt like the world was collapsing around him. He knew he could just go home later and everything would be okay but he really understood in that moment for the first time that honestly, Richie Tozier could be whatever he wanted, so long as he wasn’t gay. Richie Tozier couldn’t be gay.   
He glanced up at Eddie, who was so concerned. Eddie, who’s hand was holding onto Richie’s arm so softly, his thumb rubbing little circles that we’re almost in sync with the big circles that Stan was rubbing on his back.   
Richie couldn’t stop crying, and couldn’t stop looking at Ed, and it just made him cry harder because he couldn’t think of anything but how much he wanted to comfort Eddie. He was so upset that Eddie was upset because he didn’t deserve to be upset. It hurt Rich so bad to be hurting and worrying that beautiful boy. Ed was so beautiful to Richie, so kind and soft. Those eyes were just transfixed on Richie and he didn’t feel worthy. He was close enough to smell Eddie’s signature sent: it was cotton detergent, Lysol, and this cheap cologne that Eddie used to mask that clean smell that everyone always made fun of.   
“Richie can you just say something?” Eddie prompted after a second, knowing he had Richie’s undivided attention.   
Richie breathed it too softly for Eddie to hear, too softly for Stanly to hear, just a soft confirmation for him, “I love you,”   
“What Richie?” Stanly asked from behind him.   
“I’m okay, I’m sorry, it’s just,” Richie signed, rubbing at his eyes and snapping out of it, “my dad’s like that sometimes. He just knows what to say to piss me off, and I can’t do anything about it so I just,” he waved his hands lamely. They flopped down onto his lap again and he just shrugged.   
“I’m sorry Rich,” Eddie soothed, rubbing up and down his arm. “I know how that is. I’m sorry,” he leaned in closely and wrapped his arms around Richie.   
Stanly joined the hug, “you’re good Rich, I’m never gonna tell you this again, but you’re good,”   
Richie almost felt like crying again but he just couldn’t anymore. He just leaned in against Eddie, taking a deep breath and breathing him in. He couldn’t believe he said it out loud. He actually had looked at Eddie and told him he loved him. He was overwhelmed, he was exhausted, he was afraid and maybe (just maybe) Richie Tozier was a little bit gay.


End file.
